Stanley Likes To Watch...

I have what some of my closest friends would call a rather unhealthy obsession with Stanley Kubrick. I have all of his films on DVD, and I have seen every single one of them literally thousands of times over the years. I also have just about every book ever written about him and/or his films, as well as original posters and other assorted collectibles.

One of my most prized possessions is an actual working script from the set of The Shining, which was not only signed by Stanley Kubrick, but also Jack Nicholson and Stephen King as well. I got it on eBay for $30. The guy I bought it from didn't even know what he had, and what he subsequently let slip through his fingers. It was quite the coup.

My favorite film of all time is, of course, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and I recall several years ago reading about an auction at Sotheby's, mere days after the fact, where the actual reddish/orange spacesuit, worn by Keir Dullea in his iconic role as astronaut Dr. David Bowman, was sold to a private collector for a paltry $5000.00. I was livid. Had I known about this auction beforehand I would've scrounged up the money myself, and it would be standing in my living room right now, enclosed in glass.

As it is, I think I've done pretty well over the years. So what then, one might ask oneself, do you get the Stanley Kubrick fan who has just about everything already? Well, if you're my friend Spencer, you present me with a t-shirt with the image shown above, like he did for my birthday a few weeks ago, scoring an unassailable 1000 points in the process. It has quickly eclipsed all else as my new favorite t-shirt in my entire wardrobe, and I wear it with pride.

But then there are moments like yesterday, when a coworker noticed my t-shirt as I was passing him in the kitchen and he asked me, "Who is 'CUB RICK'? Is that like, a Bear thing?" I could feel the blood drain from my face.

Me: "It's 'Kubrick', as in 'Stanley Kubrick', the filmmaker..."

Coworker: (blank stare)

Me: "You know... 'A Clockwork Orange'?"

Coworker: (blank stare)

Me: "'2001: A Space Odyssey'???"

Coworker: "Omigod, that movie was so STUPID!!!"

Me: (blank stare)

But I digress...

Later that same afternoon, as I was relieving myself at the urinal, I was delighted to find that, due to the double image on the front of the t-shirt, the Stanley on the bottom was looking up at me while I held my penis in my hands.

Now THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a gift... Thanks, Spencer!